"Attachment to things drops away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them."
Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose.
This is probably the first time in my life where I truly have nothing.
My accounts are all hovering above zero. Taxes must be paid. I have to get my cast off and physical therapy. I paid a last minute flight home from South America. Plus, I need things - groceries, a winter jacket, things add up.
Staying with friends and family is a true gift, but I have been letting something really get to me.
They are all so damn successful. It's tax season here so that has been part of why I am so aware of their incomes - some of them pay more in annual taxes than I have ever made in my life.
So, while going through the pain of a break up and a broken leg, I've also started developing a bit of an inferiority complex. Given that we have the same background, same schools, practically the same large, midwestern state universities how have I ended up with nothing at 34?
When I express this, I get immediately shot down - probably with good reason. They say things like you have traveled the world, lived most of our dreams. One friend said that while she made excellent money, she has sacrificed 11 years of her adult life to be in this position today. Each time someone says something like that to me I agree on the one hand but have been feeling this burning sense of inferiority on the other.
Today's chapter in A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose called The Illusion of Ownership couldn't have come at a more perfect time. Especially because I signed up to Mint yesterday and those easy to read graphs with glaring red colors created an even clearer picture of my financial struggles.
In this section of the book, Tolle postulates that material possessions are so important to us because we identify them as a reflection of self, the egoic self and that even the active rejection of material possessions can still mean the person is limited by their ego as, as he states, 'making yourself right and others wrong is one of the principal egoic mind patterns.' For example someone who gives everything up, lives in a cabin in the woods and, feeling surperior, judges others for not doing the same is still rooted in their own ego.
In other words, rejecting all material possessions is the same as non-stop consumption if both are an attempt to create a sense of self or self-identity through them.
The only way to transcend this, according to Tolle, is to first be aware of your identification with the thing. Awareness of this feeling is the first step to step outside or beyond the ego into a state of consciousness.
I was started to create this idea in my mind that I was less than the people in my life for my distinct lack of possessions. My goal now is not to attach my identity to my financial situation. I am who I am regardless of money or possessions. I do not wholly believe this, not yet. But just being aware of it will help to get me there.
In order to reinvent myself I must have a connection to my true self. My attachment to things, or lack their of, needs to stop. This lesson, therefore, is key to my reinvention.
I am really enjoying this book! It's changing the way I think about connecting to my true self.
Get it on Amazon! A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (Oprah's Book Club)
